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I’m teaching myself how to program.  A colleague of mine, who has been programming for decades, comes over and asks me how it’s going.  I try to (naively) show off how much I’ve learned by demonstrating a script I wrote, which abruptly fails as soon as I run it.

“Hmm,” I say, and try to step through the code to see if I can catch what I did wrong.

My colleague immediately start throwing his hands on my screen and telling me I’ve probably made a mistake here, here and/or here.

“I know,” I admit. “That is why I’m trying to figure out where exactly I’ve made it.”

“WHY?” He yells. “Just type these characters after this line right here [hand in front of my face, on the screen]: ‘E’, ‘R’, ‘R’ –”

“Wait a second. Why am I doing this? What am I writing?”

“An error output code! Why would you possibly waste your time looking for the error when the script can just tell you what it is??” He was getting visibly agitated…

“Well,” I try naively to defend myself, “I want to test myself on whether or not I remember the syntax well enough to see the error by myself.”

“That’s stupid.”

“…Well then, I’m stupid.  …Was there something else you needed?”

Being an expert means that you are used to dealing with very complex issues, not silly ones.  That is why experts take all measures to fix those silly issues in as easy a manner as possible (so they can go back to focusing on the big ones).  As a result, they see other people’s focus on those small problems as a total waste of time (as it is, for them).  However, as a novice at something, trying to do things manually is sometimes the best way to learn, and relying on the easy way out is a last resort (for when deadlines are approaching and your solution is not…).

Therefore, experts/experienced professionals, don’t invalidate the learning process of the peons.  You may actually shortchange their progress.  Let us struggle a little bit with it, because if we struggle and come out on top, we’ll know immeasurably more about the problem and the system than had we just taken a cop out.

If you want to help, ask if you can be helpful first.  Some people may feel embarrassed about not understanding something and may not want to admit it or ask for advice (just yet.  If this is carrying on too long, kindly insist on helping).  Those who do will probably proactively approach you.

And, just so you know, just because we don’t (or can’t) do it your way initially, doesn’t mean we’re stupid.

Also, using that word to describe us makes us want to plan your eminent demise… so…

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Walking up to my building today, I encountered a man and his 3-4 year old daughter standing in my path towards the door.  I tried to make eye contact and smile at the man, who, conversely, tried everything possible to pretend he doesn’t see me.  His daughter, not yet old enough to engage in such deception, simply stared at me.  Giving up my attempt at courtesy with the man, I turned, smiled at her, and said, “well hello there.”  She just continued to stare, quite rudely I thought.  Shrugging, I just continued to walk towards the door.  The girl ran after me, in order to hold the door open for her dad.  I gently gave her the door to hold and said, “here you go,”  hoping to incite at least a mild “thanks.”  Instead, she just kept looking at me.

Manners are a vicious cycle–if your parents don’t have them, chances are you won’t either, and that will detrimentally effect how people perceive and interact with you.

If and/or when your parents insisted on your using good manners, chances are they didn’t give you a reason why you should.  As you matured, however, you probably noticed that people behaved differently towards you depending on whether you were courteous or not.

Unfortunately, something as simple as manners matters dramatically in the corporate world.  Your levels of courtesy towards your peers, subordinates and superiors can mean the difference between whether you get a promotion, whether your employees are productive, and much more.  In a 2007 survey, 95% of executives and managers stated that good manners matter when it comes to advancing a person’s career in their company, and that is especially true in smaller organizations, where interpersonal relations are both more frequent and more crucial to the success of the business.

Simple choices of words and subtle gestures make a huge difference.  Some examples are:

• Adding “please” at the end of a request. Doing so makes the person you are asking feel like she’s doing you a favor by obliging, and that makes her feel all important, which translates into a higher likelihood that whatever you asked for will be done and done well.
• Adding “so much” to your usual “thank you.” In this day and age, a thank you is kind of expected (which means that if you don’t even say that, you’re going to have some co-workers feeling mighty unappreciated).  Therefore, to get a similar outcome as that in the above point, add a little extra oomph.
• Smiling.  Grinning at someone conveys that seeing him/her is something positive for you.  It also signals recognition and acknowledgement.  All good things.
• Looking up from your desk/computer/documents as soon as someone addresses you. You’re busy; everyone knows that.  However, giving someone your undivided attention is an important signal.  It means that what the other person is saying is important and worthy of your attention.  And don’t wait to finish what you’re reading before looking up, either.  That sentence/email/etc. will be there in a couple of minutes.  If you are honestly slammed with work, close your door.  That way people will know not to bother you.

The overarching theme here is that good manners in the workplace are actually extremely motivating.  They are also a source of self esteem for anyone who comes in contact with you.  Dale Carnegie is famous for saying that if what you do and say makes a person like himself more, he will instinctively like you more.