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I’m teaching myself how to program.  A colleague of mine, who has been programming for decades, comes over and asks me how it’s going.  I try to (naively) show off how much I’ve learned by demonstrating a script I wrote, which abruptly fails as soon as I run it.

“Hmm,” I say, and try to step through the code to see if I can catch what I did wrong.

My colleague immediately start throwing his hands on my screen and telling me I’ve probably made a mistake here, here and/or here.

“I know,” I admit. “That is why I’m trying to figure out where exactly I’ve made it.”

“WHY?” He yells. “Just type these characters after this line right here [hand in front of my face, on the screen]: ‘E’, ‘R’, ‘R’ –”

“Wait a second. Why am I doing this? What am I writing?”

“An error output code! Why would you possibly waste your time looking for the error when the script can just tell you what it is??” He was getting visibly agitated…

“Well,” I try naively to defend myself, “I want to test myself on whether or not I remember the syntax well enough to see the error by myself.”

“That’s stupid.”

“…Well then, I’m stupid.  …Was there something else you needed?”

Being an expert means that you are used to dealing with very complex issues, not silly ones.  That is why experts take all measures to fix those silly issues in as easy a manner as possible (so they can go back to focusing on the big ones).  As a result, they see other people’s focus on those small problems as a total waste of time (as it is, for them).  However, as a novice at something, trying to do things manually is sometimes the best way to learn, and relying on the easy way out is a last resort (for when deadlines are approaching and your solution is not…).

Therefore, experts/experienced professionals, don’t invalidate the learning process of the peons.  You may actually shortchange their progress.  Let us struggle a little bit with it, because if we struggle and come out on top, we’ll know immeasurably more about the problem and the system than had we just taken a cop out.

If you want to help, ask if you can be helpful first.  Some people may feel embarrassed about not understanding something and may not want to admit it or ask for advice (just yet.  If this is carrying on too long, kindly insist on helping).  Those who do will probably proactively approach you.

And, just so you know, just because we don’t (or can’t) do it your way initially, doesn’t mean we’re stupid.

Also, using that word to describe us makes us want to plan your eminent demise… so…

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Walking up to my building today, I encountered a man and his 3-4 year old daughter standing in my path towards the door.  I tried to make eye contact and smile at the man, who, conversely, tried everything possible to pretend he doesn’t see me.  His daughter, not yet old enough to engage in such deception, simply stared at me.  Giving up my attempt at courtesy with the man, I turned, smiled at her, and said, “well hello there.”  She just continued to stare, quite rudely I thought.  Shrugging, I just continued to walk towards the door.  The girl ran after me, in order to hold the door open for her dad.  I gently gave her the door to hold and said, “here you go,”  hoping to incite at least a mild “thanks.”  Instead, she just kept looking at me.

Manners are a vicious cycle–if your parents don’t have them, chances are you won’t either, and that will detrimentally effect how people perceive and interact with you.

If and/or when your parents insisted on your using good manners, chances are they didn’t give you a reason why you should.  As you matured, however, you probably noticed that people behaved differently towards you depending on whether you were courteous or not.

Unfortunately, something as simple as manners matters dramatically in the corporate world.  Your levels of courtesy towards your peers, subordinates and superiors can mean the difference between whether you get a promotion, whether your employees are productive, and much more.  In a 2007 survey, 95% of executives and managers stated that good manners matter when it comes to advancing a person’s career in their company, and that is especially true in smaller organizations, where interpersonal relations are both more frequent and more crucial to the success of the business.

Simple choices of words and subtle gestures make a huge difference.  Some examples are:

• Adding “please” at the end of a request. Doing so makes the person you are asking feel like she’s doing you a favor by obliging, and that makes her feel all important, which translates into a higher likelihood that whatever you asked for will be done and done well.
• Adding “so much” to your usual “thank you.” In this day and age, a thank you is kind of expected (which means that if you don’t even say that, you’re going to have some co-workers feeling mighty unappreciated).  Therefore, to get a similar outcome as that in the above point, add a little extra oomph.
• Smiling.  Grinning at someone conveys that seeing him/her is something positive for you.  It also signals recognition and acknowledgement.  All good things.
• Looking up from your desk/computer/documents as soon as someone addresses you. You’re busy; everyone knows that.  However, giving someone your undivided attention is an important signal.  It means that what the other person is saying is important and worthy of your attention.  And don’t wait to finish what you’re reading before looking up, either.  That sentence/email/etc. will be there in a couple of minutes.  If you are honestly slammed with work, close your door.  That way people will know not to bother you.

The overarching theme here is that good manners in the workplace are actually extremely motivating.  They are also a source of self esteem for anyone who comes in contact with you.  Dale Carnegie is famous for saying that if what you do and say makes a person like himself more, he will instinctively like you more.

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The real difference between the two is the internal self-image you have of yourself as a manager and how it manifests itself in your behavior towards your team.

Confidence = setting yourself up in the mind of your team as a reference for when any of them have questions or make mistakes; making yourself available but generally not imposing your expertise; having your people want to come to you.

Arrogance = micromanaging your team and intruding your knowledge on them, regardless of whether you were asked to or not; checking up on others and consistently proffering advice; having your team choose struggle and head-banging-against-wall rather than coming to talk to you.

A confident manager feels comfortable in his professional and managerial skills.  It’s a quiet and internal confidence, one which doesn’t require you to flaunt your abilities.  An arrogant manager, on the other hand, feels the need to constantly reiterate his/her skills to others, likely out of insecurity.  The difference in behavior that results from the difference in your self-worth is often compounded by the reaction your team has towards you.  A confident manager gains respect of his team, reinforcing his/her sense of self; an arrogant manager incurs behind-the-back ridicule and frustration, reinforcing his/her insecurity.  Additionally, the team dynamic created by a confident manager is one that promotes reaching out for help whenever necessary—as opposed to prematurely or after having wasted too much time attempting to solve the problem—and therefore creates a more efficient and effective work environment.

Break the vicious cycle.  Get yourself to a place where external affirmation and education is not necessary to your self-image.

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My high school English teacher had a particular affinity to the above phrase.  As demoralizing and harsh as it seemed at the time, it is now clear to me what he was trying to communicate.  Our teacher wanted to make us aware of how what we say affects others’ perceptions of us.  A question you ask can be more telling about you than a statement you make.  Along those lines, if you’re asking dumb questions, you’re not exactly projecting yourself in the best way.

A sample scenario in which this becomes very relevant in the workplace is during the initial months an employee is performing a new job function.  No matter how well the subject matter and your responsibilities with regard to it were explained, a trainer couldn’t possibly have covered every contingency and/or detail relating to the job.  Therefore, there inevitably comes a time when every new hire hits a road block and comes to a crossroad.  Should you ask the question of your manager or trainer or struggle a little more?

There are two schools of thought on the subject.  The first believes that you shouldn’t be afraid to ask questions and that all questions are valid.  The theory is that it’s a waste of time for you to bang your head against the wall in trying to figure something out when you could easily save yourself the time, effort, and pain by simply asking someone who can instantly provide the answer.  The second school of thought, however, states that you should struggle and work towards a resolution as much as possible on your own before asking for help, because that struggle in and of itself is often a huge learning experience, even if at the end it doesn’t yield you your desired answer.

I am a strong proponent of the second opinion.  Opportunity permitting, struggling first to find the answer yourself can give you insights into aspects of your job that you wouldn’t otherwise learn and prevents you from asking stupid questions.

Firstly, what is a stupid question?

It is one that…

• had you thought about it for 5 more minutes, you could have answered yourself
• had you looked through all available resources, you could have found the answer to yourself
• was answered for you multiple times before, but one you apparently did not feel the need to write down or remember
• someone on your level or with your experience should really not be asking (like 5-year finance associate asking how to add the numbers in two cells in Excel)
• you ask 3 minutes after asking another question, instead of waiting and bundling with your next or previous question(s).

There are many reasons why the above are signs of a stupid question coming and why they make you look stupid.  If you’re asking a question that could be answered with slightly more thought, asking it instead of thinking about it shows that you are not willing to put in the mental effort and that you lack work ethic– if things don’t come instantly and easily to you, you just give up trying.  Another signal of a lack of motivation is a question to which you can find the answer among resources at your disposal and of which you are aware.  An example of this is if you’re asking something that was answered in an instructional manual, which you failed to read, or in a clearly labeled file in the same network folder, which you chose not to browse.  Along the same lines, asking trivial questions too frequently shows disrespect for the person you’re asking them of and I’m sure it’s self explanatory to not ask questions that you are very much expected to know the answer to unless you’ve truly exhausted your own attempts to figure it out.

So, before you ask your boss your next question, check first that it cannot be classified in any of the categories above.  This is good advice both for people who are too eager to ask questions versus figuring it out and for those who are hesitant to ask questions for constant fear that they’ll seem stupid.  Asking questions is a good thing and is a vital part of your learning process.  However, it’s important to make sure that you’re asking valuable questions that signal to others that you are a thoughtful, hardworking individual.  When you ask great questions, not only do you increase the likelihood that they will be answered, but you also increase your reputation.  However, when you ask bad questions, you only encounter frustration, sarcastic responses, and doubt in your abilities.  Therefore, both the timid and the eager question-askers should check themselves.  If it’s a “stupid” question, go back and sweat it out a bit more.  If it’s not, you should ask it without hesitation.

(Let me know if I’m missing any qualifiers in the list above) .

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It seems like most companies didn’t really worry about contingency plans and such before the 9/11 attacks.  Now, there are small consulting companies on top of small consulting companies that grew up around the business of planning for contingencies.  It’s surprising that it takes a major national catastrophe to get companies thinking about what happens if the office building is no longer there, employees are missing or unavailable but business has to go on.

While major catastrophes are thankfully rare, minor ones happen all the time.  A female employee could go into pre-mature labor, a power-outage could strike your city, a vital employee could give 2 weeks’ notice, or your network could get hacked.  Is your company and/or department prepared for those cases?  The honest truth is that most companies aren’t.  When push comes to shove, you want to be able to say, “Aha! We have Plan B for this.  Let’s go ahead and implement it,” as opposed to, “F*CK!! What the hell do we do now??”

What’s the problem with “crossing the bridge when you get there” and dealing with those issues if and when they come up?  Well, when something unpredictable does happen, most people are not really in a position to think rationally.  Disasters (big and small) have a tendency to cause chaos and indecision, among management inclusive.  A time of great distress may not be the best time to make really important decisions.  Managers are also not the only ones who will be frazzled by calamities.  When something unexpected occurs, one of the initial concerns among the working populous is, “What does this mean for me?”  In a time of distress, the first thing you want to do is to comfort and reassure your employees and the last thing you want to do is laden them with responsibilities that they didn’t see coming. Again, having a plan gives people a sense of security and causes them to react faster if something were to occur.  What you also have to consider is that, depending on the event, the people who know the job best are gone or unavailable, leaving people who need to fill in to struggle.

Any way you slice it, you’re better off putting in a contingency plan when everything is hunky dory and this is how you should proceed:

1. Publicize your intent to make a contingency plan.  Other than the moans and groans of temporary additional effort, I can’t imagine you’ll face any resistance.  Most people understand that all sustainable companies must have one.  Make sure you specify that as the reason when you do go public with the announcement (there are always a few people who will think you’re doing it to see how many employees you can eliminate).
2. Create a “if this person is out/unavailable for short/long periods of time, this person/people will fill in” plan.  Once you’ve thought this through, it’s important to make that list public.  It’s important primarily so that people aren’t surprised and that if and when something happens, they are prepared and can step up quickly.  However, it’s also important because employees could provide valuable feedback on the plan.  If you think I should take over accounting if the accountant goes on leave and I can’t add 2 and 3, it would behoove you to be told this in advance.
3. Begin cross-training immediately.  As soon as you have a rough contingency plan in place, start cross training employees on each others’ functions.  This has three benefits: it teaches employees the job they would be expected to cover in advance, increases the pool of people who can do any particular job, and increases employees’ knowledge and usefulness.
4. Make sure people performing their current primary functions create detailed documentation on their job process (that’s not half-assed).  The documentation should be used as the method of training and the employee being trained should be able to use the documentation to walk through the process without too many head-banging-against-wall questions.

I know — all this is extra administrative effort but look at it this way: if your top 20% of employees were stuck at sea on a boat together, would your company be able to function just as effectively as if they were there?