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I’m teaching myself how to program.  A colleague of mine, who has been programming for decades, comes over and asks me how it’s going.  I try to (naively) show off how much I’ve learned by demonstrating a script I wrote, which abruptly fails as soon as I run it.

“Hmm,” I say, and try to step through the code to see if I can catch what I did wrong.

My colleague immediately start throwing his hands on my screen and telling me I’ve probably made a mistake here, here and/or here.

“I know,” I admit. “That is why I’m trying to figure out where exactly I’ve made it.”

“WHY?” He yells. “Just type these characters after this line right here [hand in front of my face, on the screen]: ‘E’, ‘R’, ‘R’ –”

“Wait a second. Why am I doing this? What am I writing?”

“An error output code! Why would you possibly waste your time looking for the error when the script can just tell you what it is??” He was getting visibly agitated…

“Well,” I try naively to defend myself, “I want to test myself on whether or not I remember the syntax well enough to see the error by myself.”

“That’s stupid.”

“…Well then, I’m stupid.  …Was there something else you needed?”

Being an expert means that you are used to dealing with very complex issues, not silly ones.  That is why experts take all measures to fix those silly issues in as easy a manner as possible (so they can go back to focusing on the big ones).  As a result, they see other people’s focus on those small problems as a total waste of time (as it is, for them).  However, as a novice at something, trying to do things manually is sometimes the best way to learn, and relying on the easy way out is a last resort (for when deadlines are approaching and your solution is not…).

Therefore, experts/experienced professionals, don’t invalidate the learning process of the peons.  You may actually shortchange their progress.  Let us struggle a little bit with it, because if we struggle and come out on top, we’ll know immeasurably more about the problem and the system than had we just taken a cop out.

If you want to help, ask if you can be helpful first.  Some people may feel embarrassed about not understanding something and may not want to admit it or ask for advice (just yet.  If this is carrying on too long, kindly insist on helping).  Those who do will probably proactively approach you.

And, just so you know, just because we don’t (or can’t) do it your way initially, doesn’t mean we’re stupid.

Also, using that word to describe us makes us want to plan your eminent demise… so…

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Dictators are insecure

Larry David, who I’m sure is not hurting for money, drives a Toyota Prius.  Most skinny girls don’t actually wear skin-tight clothing.  Contrary to the popular idiom, when you got it, you don’t feel the need to flaunt it.  It is therefore also true that managers who are confident about their authority do not feel the need to viciously and continuously remind you of it.  Dictators are just insecure about their leadership and their command of your respect.  Therefore, another way to cool a dictator is to stroke his or her ego (regardless of how distasteful that may seem to you).  If you complement your dictator’s handling of the last meeting (sincerely) or support his proposal, he will cool down.  He will assume you already appreciate him and his awesomeness and he no longer needs to put the fear of G-d in you to achieve those results.

Dictators don’t trust people

If you look closely, you will probably notice that your dictator is not exactly a people person.  The command and control mechanism comes about because of a dictator’s innate distrust of other people.  The lack of trust can stem from a variety of reasons, which a psychologist would better be able to identify, but all are equally damaging to his leadership style.  The way to deal with this is to purposely work on gaining the dictator’s trust.  Go above and beyond her requirements for projects, anticipate her needs, and support her when you notice her getting ragged on.  Becoming an ally and a friend of the dictator may seem repulsive and fake, but it’s important to train yourself to believe—truly believe—that each person is interesting and worth knowing, including your dictator, if you are to ever succeed in the business world.  I say that because fakeness is the worst tactic.  You can’t butter up to a dictator—she’s way too smart for that and will see right through you.  Find commonalities to start relating to her instead.

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Dictators.  Every company has them.  They are the managers that make your life a living hell.  They are the ones that give you superhuman workloads and scoff at your need for food and sleep. They are the ones that pass down their will to you and are disgusted by your need for discussion and consensus.  They have a short temper, a shorter attention span and a practically non-existent tolerance for what they perceive to be ineptitude.  Organizational behaviorists attempt to make dictators sound less menacing by labeling them “Drivers,” but it’s mostly a ploy to avoid being accused of criticizing.

The reason why people have so much trouble dealing with these dictators is because they’re afraid.  Dictators are menacing and sometimes bullying.  It is much easier to build rapport with your coworkers by complaining about a mutually despised boss than to do anything about it.  Because a dictator is also incredibly stubborn, fixing the situation seems like an impossible task.  However, all the fear, all the hesitancy and all the barriers fall away once you get into the dictator’s head.

Managers become dictators when they’re worried about task completion.

It’s not necessarily that dictators don’t care about people; it’s that they care about tasks more.  Dictators are goal driven.  They see goal achievement as the only measure of their “success.”  Once you realize this, it seems logical that dictators get on their pulpit when they are worried about the team’s ability to complete the task to the satisfaction of higher-ups.  As such, everything else—including your feelings—take a back seat.   You can turn Mr. Hyde back into Dr. Jekyll by giving him tangible assurances that everything is on track.  If you are working on schedule and are making progress, provide the dictator with status updates regularly without being asked.  If you are falling behind, give the non-fluffy reasons why you are (i.e. that there is 40 hours of work and 2 days with 24 hours in each to do it in versus you’re tired and overworked).  What you’ll see is that the dictator will become a little more relieved and if he is relieved, he’s not going to ride you.

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At the risk of sounding touchy-feely, I need to impart on you how important it is to be aware of what your employees are feeling.  Someone once told me that as soon as a person feels something, it becomes true.  In other words, a person’s opinion becomes his reality.  It doesn’t matter at that point what is fact and fiction.  If I feel like I’m being mistreated, I believe that I am.  It doesn’t matter whether you, as my boss, believe that you and everyone else at work is really good to me.  You cannot argue that point with me and win because my belief in this is based in feeling, not fact.  If my feelings are strong enough, they will outweigh whatever facts are present.  The only thing that you can and must do is to find out what I’m feeling and, more importantly, why.

The “why” is important in terms of what circumstances or events led to my feeling.  It doesn’t matter, however, whether it’s logical for the event to have contributed to or caused my feeling.  The fact is that it did.  All you, as manager, can do is to determine that A in fact caused B, and that in and of itself is extremely valuable.

For example, if an employee is tired because he worked late the night before, he might blame his boss for being a slave driver or the company for not allocating work appropriately.  It doesn’t matter that he worked late because he is not as fast at getting work done as others.  What matters is what you gather from this: that (a) the employee is dissatisfied and (b) that it is working late that is making him so.  You can draw you own conclusions and solve the problem.  You can, for example, give him some training to increase his efficiency or work with him to manage his time better, depending on what you think is the cause of his late nights.

What you can’t and shouldn’t do, however, is argue right, wrong, and logic.  You shouldn’t say the employee is being unreasonable because he has only been working late a few nights and you can’t say that your being a slave driver is an outrageous accusation.  Even if they’re true, these reasons will mean nothing to the employee who feels wronged.

Therefore, the way to avoid unnecessary attrition, gossiping, accusations, and general discontent is simply to take interest in what your employees are feeling.  Showing your genuine concern will help build the relationship necessary for people to open up more to you, which in turn prevents even more problems before they start.  It becomes a virtuous cycle.

How you build this relationship is a whole separate topic, but one simple thing you can do is schedule weekly meetings with each of your employees individually.  Talk to them about how they feel about their work, their workload, their career development, their learning, their efficiency, and what can help make any and all of those work better for them.  It might seem awkward at first and both parties will be hesitant, but after a while it turns into a habit and becomes natural.  Just stick with it and be committed to it.  You will see instantly how much it both improves communication with your employees generally and gets you insight into their feelings specifically.

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In asking a friend about how she is getting along with her boss, I received the following response:

“We haven’t gotten into any squabbles recently and I’ve been quietly doing exactly what she asks, making a list of things she asks, and making sure I get every point taken care of, without questioning why she’s asking for some things, even if i see a better way, which is completely, 100% against my nature, but I need the job. “

When my friend says this behavior is atypical for her, that’s a vast understatement.  She is the most straightforward, honest, tell-you-what-she-thinks-even-if-it’s-inappropriate (in a good way…) kind of person I’ve ever met.  The fact that she is keeping mum is a huge development.

The battered state of the economy and the high unemployment rate is changing the way that people look at their jobs and their job security. Fear of pissing off a boss and finding oneself unemployed, which for many families nowadays may mean losing the only source of family income, is forcing people to alter their normal behavior.

This is unfortunate because when you are afraid of saying something negative to your superiors, you are not providing good feedback, which can result in bad decisions being made (because you didn’t speak up to tell others not to make them) and a culture of fear and separatism spreading (because you’re seeing your managers as your adversaries, with the power to possibly ruin you).  And as we all know, fear about something bad happening oftentimes becomes a self fulfilling prophecy anyway.

What can managers do to curb this attitude and behavior?

• Assure employees that it’s business as usual — Reiterate that you understand the state of the economy and that everyone is worried about it but that no one should be afraid of losing their job (even if you’re planning layoffs.  As long as you’re open about it, it won’t feel like a stab in the back).
• Show you value honest feedback — If you approach your subordinates with a “I want to know what YOU think about this project,” and are friendly about it and actually mean it, your employees will feel valued and encouraged to give their real opinion.  Work on creating a culture of openness.

What should subordinates do?

• Stop and think if you’re overreacting — How likely is it that you will actually be fired because you disagree with your managers approach to a problem, strongly believe a manager’s new direction is the wrong one, etc.  Chances are, no one is going to fire you for that (unless you do it often and are obnoxious about it).
• If you’re still scared but want to give your opinion, give a Shit Sandwich — This should work 90% of the time, but again, only if you’re honest.  Don’t make up BS goodness to layer your shit with.  For the other 10% of the time, find another method of giving bad news in a good way.