Fear, to take Shrek’s example, is like an onion.  The fear that you observe in others is just the outer covering and a culmination of much more deep-rooted fears.  People are also not particularly keen on revealing to you their deepest, darkest insecurities.  Therefore, in order to manage (and manage away) fear, you have to strip back the layers to find out what is at the root of a frightened person’s (often irrational) thought process.

The goal is to keep asking questions to figure out the core fear.

Sandra is afraid to put her name in for a promotion or transfer.

You ask, why?

She says it’s because she’s afraid she might not get it, obviously.

You ask what she is afraid will happen if she doesn’t.

She says she’s afraid it will put her current position at risk.

You ask why she thinks it is at risk.

She says she is afraid her boss doesn’t like her and would take the chance to be rid of her.

You ask why she thinks her boss would be that petty.

She says it’s because she’s afraid she hasn’t been working up to his standards.

This conversation can go on and on but what I want to illustrate here is that her fear of applying for a new job doesn’t lie in the fear of not getting that job but in the performance of her current one.  Fear is therefore not what you think it is – it’s usually much deeper.

How deep? Fear of anything external lies in very personal issues and insecurities, which we all have, whether it be commitment issues, lack of self-esteem, performance anxiety.  The goal of talking to a person experiencing any kind of fear is to make them become conscious of what is causing the fear and trying to address that core directly.  In the above example, Sandra’s issue is that she’s not confident in her work product in her current job, which inhibits her from ever progressing.  You need to work with people like Sandra to either a) make her proud of her work or b) get her to improve her work.  If you attack the core, which is likely responsible for multiple other fears, you can not only cure the fear but also prevent fear going forward.